Chilli Crab at Clarke Quay anyone???

 
Bev: we need a new layout!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ever had those times you just can't stop smiling and you just want to rush down to somewhere and kiss the ground cos he's walked on it? hehe! that's how I feel now. I miss this feeling so much.Haven't had an obsession like this for so long. esp. when he appears in your dreams too. That's my favourite kind of storytelling: not in a book or movie or even through a song but through my dreams and imagination. Ha I'm some kind of bored aren't I? But really, nowadays I feel that I have more time for actual living. I guess it could stem from my actual liking of CCA and my class or perhaps it's cos I'm slacking off in my work.which I am and I know i should not be but... I like this feeling of being in obsession. kinda like riding on the back of a butterfly.


oh I've started writing a book. it's some trashy teenage love story kinda thing. The kind I like. Is it any wonder why I don't take lit? I'm on page 17 now but really if typed out it'd probably be like 3 pages at most. no I don't seriously expect myself to finish it if that's what you're thinking. I love startings and endings but I'm not for the doldrums in the centre.


that reminds me. whatever happened to the book jason mraz is supposed to be writing? Aug 28th his new CD release date. Live at Eagles Ballroom. haven't forgotten.


Mrs Sherwood gave us some Jobs CD thing the other day. I'm Creative, Social, Administrative.apparently my interests point me towards being a TV producer but my abilities are pointing towards being a real estate agent. right. But I was talking to my friends about career thingys and I realize I'm the one with the most, or more exactly, way too many, ambitions. they range from the culinary to the creative. I actually think I'll end up doing a 'would you like fries with that' gig though. actually i think i'll kinda like that. 


oh ya my class has 4 cca presidents (so far): library, interact, band and art club. I've decided that my class is the weirdest class ever. they've really taught me the lesson: don't judge a book by its cover. elaborations some other time.


anyway, I'm sorry you guys couldn't come to the performance. not that I wanted you all to but if you had... on friday that is... we could've gone to stake out for him.



Love. 5:58 PM




I'm the only person who can hurt the exact same finger in the exact same way twice in a year. And this time playing soccer. play soccer, hurt finger. don't ask.

Love. 7:45 PM




Things that are bothering me this weekend:


1)The stupid tickets.(All those who promised me you'll buy and are now backing out... watch out)


2)The damn play. going to have some major malu-ing. And my stupid costumes.


3)Missing school for 2 days. If any teacher pulls me to stay back for make-up lessons, I will freak.


4)Chinese oral. Super freaked man.


5)Physics test. ugh.


6)Raical harmony script. Someone please explain why Lee Hsien Loong wants to watch 11 skits on racial harmony.


7)IPW. Isn't it over yet?


8)CME project. Nobody is doing anything because nobody knows what to do because SOMEBODY (Mrs Sherwood)didn't tell us what to do.


9)Chinese project. Stupid bok review. On one hand I can't do anything without hanshen. on the other hand I don't trust everyone else to do this. blah.


10) Sec 4 grad. Birthday presents. sigh. my budgeting is going out of the window.

Love. 1:47 PM




Perhaps If I stop having these illusions of grandeur then I'll stop being a perfectionist and stop hurting myself when I naturally fall. What happen to what Erik said about having low expectations so that you can only be surprised and not disappointed? What happen to all the strange little truths I used to believe in?


Two years I go I tried so hard to forget the past so that I could move on with my future. But lately I've found that the things I write and say are planned, forced, unnatural and insincere. So I'm trying to return to the days when I woke up with a song in my head and on my lips and back to when I sang and spoke in the shower. In those days I felt so much more. Hate, anger, sadness, joy etc. at least back then I felt truely alive. Nowadays I rely on blood to tell me that.


I'm just so so so tired. I just want to return to my dreams.


Wake to sleep. Don't sleep to wake.


Perhaps I've just made the wrong diagnosis. Perhaps my problem is not narcissm or sadism or fatalism or cowardice but just foolishness. Can that ever be cured?


This morning I saw a purple sky and felt the blue breezy wind of last night's rain and I was happy. but as the sun rose, life became harder for this poor little rich girl.


And they say she's so lucky


These are the days for tears and fears.


Perhaps I just need to stop feeling guilt for being happy. Perhaps I just need your approval before I can let go.
Perhaps I just miss you.
Three of you.

Love. 11:09 AM